Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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