i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?