My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
