my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!