Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
