you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.