I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
