I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
