I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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