there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
