I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you will always have a special place in my vag
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I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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