I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
