I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
