I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
