How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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