The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
