I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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