i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
