it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
