Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize