you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
