So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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