Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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