wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
