I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
