You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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