You really coming over, don't trick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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