from now on my penis is your penis
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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