I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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