his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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