oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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