we're blogging at a bar
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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