it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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