worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it because I queefed?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
