He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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