If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
