I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
did you just send me my own nude
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
