if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
