I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
