Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
