His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
