I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
