So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
