my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There r osticjed everywhere
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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