So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
