my phone needs a breathalizer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize