dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
