3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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