she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
