I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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