I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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