Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
