Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
