They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
