Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are two peas in an std pod
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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