So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
