wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
