can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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