It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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