They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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