I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
