i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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