you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
