The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
