Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
