Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
