what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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