I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
