If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
