I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
