So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
