I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
