She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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