dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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