the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
