We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
