i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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