I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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