it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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