Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
