Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
