Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
