As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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