I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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