allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
