Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
