I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
