I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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