If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
