my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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